Blurred Eyes

Maybe that is the closest way to describe how I have been seeing love lately.

When someone new finally came into my life with warmth I never expected, I did not know how to react to it. The way he welcomed my presence so gently, the way his hands opened so widely just to hold me close without asking for anything in return. At first, it felt comforting. Safe, even. But slowly, that warmth became something unfamiliar, and somehow, unfamiliar things have always frightened me the most.

I began to fear myself more than the possibility of losing him.

I was scared that one day I would become the reason he gets disappointed. That I would fail to give enough, say the wrong things, make him angry, exhaust him until eventually he decides to leave. Maybe because for so long, I built myself into someone who only knows how to survive by holding on tighter, fighting harder, and never becoming the one who lets go first.

Sometimes I forget that love is not only about being willing to give. It is also about being willing to receive.

And maybe that is where my eyes become blurry.

Because I have spent years becoming so good at loving people through effort, through persistence, through sacrifice. But when kindness finally arrives and asks nothing from me except to simply accept it, I still do not know how to stand still without feeling afraid.

I have been very, very good at the former.

But I am still learning, little by little, how to accept the latter.