personal decision.

Actually it's weird that the more I grow distant from Him,

the more I figure out the mental blueprints

of how He should be treating me in many kind of occasions.

Like when I'm mad, when I'm sad, when I'm being annoying ;

Like I suddenly just find the perfect way to fill in the hole of my imperfect soul's skin.

But when I was with Him, everything just seemed so blurry that I gave up.

But, have He given up of our dreams by now?

I can't tell.

Because I told Him to stop reaching out to me.

So,

I'm all alone with myself,

trying to make an amend for a seemingly wrong decision.

Although deep down,

I do hope that it is actually right,

so I won't have to end up every night at the side of the bed feeling the same guilt,

just like how I'm going to end up tonight.

pict :  pinterest