A Lot of Things I Would Never Understand

Nobody knows how I cry myself to sleep at night

Nobody knows how I hated myself for being me

Nobody knows how I begged God to remove all the pain I am feeling

Nobody knows how scared I am to be unloved

Nobody knows how wet my notebooks after crying what I am supposed to write 

Nobody knows I am struggling with my own expectations

Nobody kbows how I feel so weird because I used to hate being alone, it was scary. But now, I am seek loneliness, it feel safer.

Isn't it weird?

Now I am in adult phase of life

Realize that life is very hard, everytime

Realize that the demand of work or personal relationship can consume much of my time and it's very draining

Realize that work and relationship doens't always work out together

It is weird, 

How a lot of things that I would never understand when I grow up

And sometimes, 

I just don't get the answer is.